I usually do this when i’m faced with confusion, so im not near doing haste decision that ends up with more confusions. Though its hard to be silent for all the things and there will be a time i should speak up to clear up things. Sometimes i dont talk for days. Being in a moment of silence is a thing hard to do since you may sacrifice and a big chance to be misquoted, misrepresented, misinterpreted and misunderstood. Now I’m really blog bitching.
I ask myself if its alright to be silent and just leave the questions unaswered or its better to just bitching around answering questions that you know that answer is not yet available at the moment of confusion. I tried to be philosophical and rational on every issue that my life’s foundation reach a moment of souls state of calamity. Its really hard and so stressful asking myself a rhetorical questions about love and relationship. When the times arrived to decide despite all the confusion, im so fscking coward to end up risking to be not loved and hated.
Along the way of risking and putting your heart on the line, theres still no assurance of achieving the elusive search for happiness. How’s my heart? i don’t know. im so confused and my brain neurons fscked up that i cant consolidate every electrically active cells in my brain as my neurons confused transmission like a misconfigure router that the packets transmission are just looping locally and can’t get out of the network gateway to internet to free itself and reach its happiness. I’m not trying to be smart ass but i just like to be a bitch for this moment.
I wonder if I’m living in a state of sub-consciousness or in a delirium mode or subject to mental illness and auditory hallucination wanting to hear something good. Maybe in this state i have a good reason to be excuse myself to the reality. With all this state of confusion, i ask myself again and question myself maturity? am i mature? or just bitching to be a child again searching to be pampered and loved unconditionally. I’m asking to be loved and to be understood but do i love myself and understand myself?
Oh shit I’m really down and oh yes my gay tendencies are now bitching me – i’m so sensitive like a girl. Is it ok to just let her slip away? in a moment like this – silence is maybe a cure for so i wont be acting like a bateria which causes a disease to a compromised host and taking advantage of her being unhealthy.
Ok this is enough.. im getting crazy and i love it. Pursuing for answers and forbidden love will just makes things worst and will do more damage. I loooook so stupify? I know gilibak naman tingali ko. Ambot i just feel it. But its alright. Emperador is a friend.
It’s 3:35am and i think i need to force myself to sleep. hahays. im so bitch. yah it hurts but its alright. im now signing off…..